


But..

by Anonymous



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mild Sexual Content, No Sex, Separation Anxiety
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-13
Updated: 2019-03-17
Packaged: 2019-10-27 05:24:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 10,121
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17760623
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: Bobby finds out about their relationship. He's not happy about it, but he loves them.





	1. But

**Author's Note:**

> Story takes place somewhere in the earlier seasons. I don't know I haven't watched the show years. I was just bored at work today.

He pushed twin frames together. The metal clinking together as the metal legs dragged along the floor.

 

Bobby figured they would do it themselves anyway. It's technically their room when they come, so what they get up to is their business, but it was his house.

 

Then again he told him he didn't want to hear. Didn't want to see it. What if that was too aggressive of a stance?

 

Maybe putting the bed together ahead of time sends the wrong message. “Fine”, he thought. Frankly he was not prepared for this. This problem has never presented itself to him, in all his 50-plus years.

 

How would one prepare their home to welcome their two unofficial adopted sons, who are also in a incestuous romantic relationship?

The beds were put back into their original position away from each other.

But he didn’t want them thinking that he rejected them. He wasn’t okay with it, but at this point there was no going back. Not for him or them.

He push the right bed back into the left one.

Was not liking something the same as rejecting it? No. He accepted, but he didn’t like it. This was his tolerance. It was like agreeing to disagree.

He could just give them the option of bedrooms. That would be tolerant of him.

His other spare room though is a full size bed, and they ain’t small boys. Whatever, they’ll sleep where they sleep.

Though, maybe he could go buy those things that go under the furniture legs so it slides easier. They would be able to move the bed without making much noise, and he wouldn’t have to know.

"Screw it", the beds were separated yet again

Walking down stairs he went into the kitchen and opening the fridge to see if a grocery run would be necessary before the boys arrived.

If it happened to have the floor pad things there he'd buy them, but he wasn’t going out of his way for it. He needs to protect his floors.

Could always just get some takeout but being on the road it was hard getting a home cooked meal. A pot roast was always appreciated.

He would almost bet that a carrot would be the first vegetable Dean had eaten in weeks.

Or maybe Sam had him eating healthier. The man who was a bit of a health nut as much as one could be when sustaining almost completely off of fast food.

Bobby himself could admit he’d eaten healthier when Karen moved in with him all those years ago. It made her happy know he was making efforts to take care of himself. Him being healthy made her happy. Now that he thought about it, it was strange.

 

Would Sam even bother persuading him towards a healthier diet? Dean was stubborn as hell. If anyone accepted him the way he was it was Sam, but their relationship could have mellowed him out.

 

He could picture Sam’s big brown puppy dog eyes looking brightening as he watched Dean eat a piece of lettuce. Joyed that his boyfriend/brother/domestic vehicular/motel partner ate something healthy. Dean would do anything to make them happy.

 

It hurt his head to think of it as a relationship. The boys whom he had unofficially adopted and had known since they were in the single digits were together. Boyfriend/Boyfriend. Doing something so against nature, common senses, logic and society.

He wouldn't have to think too hard to realize that it was fairly in character for them.

 

But how could they even rationalize it. Dean had always been dedicated to caring for Sam, his little brother. The same little brother who he is now holding hands with, kissing, sleeping beside,...having sex with.

He didn't want to think about what they did in the motels together. They were both young healthy (physically any way) adults, it was expected in most adult relationships.

Bobby had to shake his head to rid of the intrusive images.

 

 

      The night that Dean called him he will never forget.

His heart caught in his throat as Dean cry to him over the phone only few words distinguishable were “ Sammy” and “gone”. Choking of “I can’t without him” said through the phone.

He wasn't proud of what he said but in all reality who could really blame him.

“Dean what’s going on”. Bracing himself as he feared the worst.

“He left me”. Bobby fought every urge he had to roll his eyes and hang up.

Sam was moody. It wasn’t unheard of him to get angry at Dean, getting huffy and leave for a few days until he calmed down.

“Oh my god ya idjit”, sighing in to the phone. “Your brother is coming back.” He was crying over spilt milk”, that’s going to re-poured anyway. After everything they’ve been through Sam would never leave him behind.

“He’s done Bobby. Doesn’t want me anymore”, his gruff voice fragile.

The older man was tempted to ask Dean if he was on his period. “Stop being dramatic”, he had a headache.

It was bad enough Sam, while tipsy, had just called him days ago too. Irritated with his big, well older anyway, brother.

 

“Dean’s annoying the shit out of me.”

“Why can’t he eat at the table, its four feet away, and the television is still in perfect view.”

“ Should Dean get checked for STDs? Syphilis can stay in the system for years before symptoms start.”

“Is porn addiction real?”

“Can someone be an habitual flirt? I read a case study-”

“He’s been wearing the same boxer’s for 3 days. Is that healthy?  Can you spot a yeast infection on a guy?”

“Dean’s keeping something from me. I can tell.”

“He’s drinking more. I’m worried”

………………………………

Coming back to the conversation at hand. “Dean he’s just taking a breather. Have some fun while he’s gone.”

 

“I can’t Bobbbyy”, slurring his words just slightly. “What if he’s gone..gone”

 

“Dean”, he started. Sitting down at the kitchen table, resting his chin against his hand. “-give the guy space he-”

 

“Do you think I’m needy?”, cutting him off.

 

“Normally? No.”, answering. “..Not toward me.”, he’s observed it. Dean too worried about Sam, and vice-versa to the point of conjoined misery.

“I’m too needy that’s why. He can’t stand me.”, the older Winchester told him. Bobby wouldn’t of answered the phone if Dean was just inviting him to a pity party.

“I love him Bobby. I just love him so much.”, voice breaking as he cried, making his father-figure realize the severity of his despair.

“Dean”, he started, taking a paternal tone. “You need to put down the bottle, and go to sleep.”. The kid would feel 10 times better once he did.

“I can’t Bobby. He’s probably out somewhere..with someone...a girl...perfect stranger..soft...pretty...having the time of his life….He loves that movie ya know...likes Swayze.” Ending his sentence with a loud sniffle.

Bobby did roll his eyes, becoming apathetic to the man’s pain. “If your brother needs to go out and bust-a-nut let him. You can’t expect him to spend all his time with you. He wouldn’t expect you to.”

“I wouldn’t do that to him Bobby. I love him. Why can’t he do it with me?”, the splash of a bottle was heard next to the receiver.

He couldn’t help himself as he got into a laughing fit. “You can’t expect your brother….to bust a nut while your in the room Dean...Jesus”.

Dean unimpressed with the humor, adopted a whining tone as he said “Why can’t he just be happy with me. I never say “No” to him. Hell I'm the one goin for it”.

Any amusement Bobby was ripped away. “What?”

In his inebriation Dean took no notice of his admission to the fellow hunter.

“I’ve never even had whiskey dick, and I’m always up for sex. I want to get it on with him everyday is he wanted”, continuing to drone.

 

“Dean”, cutting Dean’s sniveling off. “What did you say?”.

He swore he could hear him go stone cold sober. “Sonovabitch”, hearing Dean’s high pitch moan of regret before he disconnecting.

His blood ran cold, as he sat stunned, not believing what he just heard. The room dead quiet, as he heart pounded. Without a thought, Bobby started dialing.

“Agent Morrison”, answered a raspy voice, but unmistakably Sam’s.

“Sam?”

“Hey Bobby.”, perking up. “How you doing?”

“Are you fucking your brother?”

“What?”, the younger Winchester asked in surprise.

“Are..You..Fucking...Dean?”, angrier as he repeated the question he never dreamed he would have to ask.

“Who told you that?”, Sam asked trying to sound nonchalant. When it came to Bobby he was a terrible liar.

“Your..Brother just called me bawling because his brother has no interest in fucking him”.

“Dean’s crying?”, avoiding the question, inquiring about his brother.

“ANSWER ME!!”

There was silence from the other end. Then he started talking, tripping over his words as he tried to explain.

“Bobby..I..um..we..it’s not like..we meant to at first..it’s just..is he okay? I got to call him. I don't want him doing anything stupid.”

……………………………………………………  
He can't remember now the words that he said. When he had gotten done his voice was hoarse and he thought he was going to induce himself into a heart attack. Not realizing until later that Sam had hung up just as he began his rant.

After he’d calmed down, and smashed all the windows in the scrapyard, and festered for a week he realized that he loved the boys. He couldn’t cut them out. His anger at them simmering down to an ache of sadness. Bobby missed them. Disgusted as he was with their "relationship" the idea of never seeing them again turned his gut.

Love the sinner. Hate the sin. The phrase his only consolation as he called them up and apologized, as much as he could.

“I'm sorry about how I reacted.”, not that anyone could blame him. “I just wanted you boys to know that I love you no matter what.”

“Bobby I-”

“Sam let me finish my piece”, he said. “ I don't understand this and while I ain't okay with it, you can come down whatever you want, but were not talking about it. I don't want to see it. Ya hear me?”

 

“Yes”, Sam responded.

“You wanna come up here sometime?”

 

“Sure Bobby”, Dean answered. Bobby was sure he was sitting close to Sam. They must of resolved whatever conflict they'd been having. “We'll be there.”

 

Going to the grocery store he picked up all the essentials and more. Pie for Dean. Rabbit food for Sam. He was getting low on shampoo and dish soap.

Going down the non food aisles he was lucky to see they had the furniture sliding pads that he needed.

Bobby's eyes lingered on a jar of Vaseline before walking away quickly.

The pot roast had just been put in the oven when he heard the Impala pulling into the driveway.

Coming out of the house and looking at them he wasn't sure what he expected but was pleasantly surprised to see they looked like they've always looked.They were still Sam and Dean.

He hugged them with a smile on his face and welcome them into his home.

After talking to them for 5 minutes he realized his initial assessment wasn't completely correct.  
Sam laughed more easily. Dean looked like a weight has been taken off his shoulders, relaxed. They seemed happier.

After talking the brothers went upstairs with their duffel bags.

Bobby pretended that he wasn't listening for the light scuffing from the second floor, followed by a soft clink. He just wanted to make sure he made a good purchase.

Just to be sure he threw some holy water in their drinks.

As they sat talking and laughing around table, he would have never been able to tell that they were banging.

He could almost pretend that it wasn't happening, Almost.

Bobby wasn't ignorant to the fact that Sam had his hand on Dean’s knee when they were eating at the table.

He knew that they'd been showering together when he was out in the yard.

He didn't miss Dean's eyes lingering on Sam, or Sam's look of approval as Dean ate all the vegetables on his plate.

On Wednesday night he couldn't even hear the springs of the mattress creak until he walked passed their door. Was that a groan or a moan? Not his business.

He could pretend like he didn't know who gave Dean hickies on his neck.

They'd tried to spare him. He'd give them credit for that.

The most explicit site having being that of Sam wrapping his arms around Dean from behind as he looked over the Impala’s engine. Even from a distance he could still see Dean blush as Sam placed a kiss on his neck. He couldn't bring himself to be angry about it, even as it turned his stomach.

When the time came for them to leave he hugged them and told them to "Take care of each other and come back whenever."

 

A couple months down the road, when he received a call from an upset Dean, he called Sam right up and told him to get his ass back to Dean and work things out, he hadn't drank yet today, and his tolerance for their bullshit was low.

He knew the boys well enough that he knew exactly what happened after.

While Dean's still weepy in the hotel room thinking everything's his fault, because he always does, Sam will walk in.

Sam will apologize. Sorry for picking a fight. Sorry for walking out, because he knows that Dean would never do that to him. Dean may have his faults but disloyalty is not one of them.

Then they'll kiss and make-up, Sam wanting Dean to know that he was put above everyone else. And if he learns that they're not talking about their problems to each other after, he's kicking their asses.

At this point they really had no choice. You can't break up with family.


	2. Sometimes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes things were just too much for Sam.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Got bored at work again, and started writing a second chapter without meaning to.

His return trip felt so much longer than when he’d originally left, but he hadn’t been concerned with time. It didn’t itch away at him like it did now.

  


When he left the miles seemed to go by quickly. First, he was 10 miles and a town over, then before he knew it he was 100 miles away and at the stateline, then 300 miles away with 2 states between them. Sam wasn’t going to lie, it felt good. 

  


Sam knew he would be coming back eventually, maybe in like ten days, two weeks tops. He would be back with Dean. Back to their life. While the separation felt good, and very much needed, it just wasn’t right. 

He needed a short sabbatical from his life. Away from their constant driving, sharing a one room, when they weren’t in the tight quarters of the car. The crappy diner food. Dean’s shitty music always playing. His eye fucking the waitresses, then laughing at him when he put on his “bitch face”.  Did Dean expect him to be “okay” with it”.

Then again, Dean expected him to be “okay” with a lot of things.

Like his gross habits. He’ll let old food and containers sit out, rotting for days instead of putting it in the trash can. “It’s right there”. 

Dean had no problems wearing the same clothing for days at a time. Even when Sam had gone to the laundromat, a stack of clean clothing folded up neatly.

“Just because it smells clean doesn’t mean it’s clean”. Sometimes he wonders how Dean ever functioned without him or their father ordering. 

Sam felt dirty just sleeping next to him some days. Quite often he ignored the ,badly concealed, hurt on Dean’s face as he slept in the spare bed because, “Don’t want to make it too obvious that were bangin’ “. 

This could carry on for up to 3 days before he’d finally change after they’d become filthy from whatever monster they’d taken out, or grave they’d dug up. 

Or Dean would pitch a small fit at having to shower before Sam will agree to sex,  “Your such a fucking girl”. Not that Sam didn’t want to have sex, he loved sex, especially with Dean, but no one could fault him for finding bad hygiene a turn-off.  

After that Sam was more than happy to join him underneath the covers, up against the table or wall, in the back of the impala, as impractical as it could be. Be as close to him as possible, as Dean expressed his feelings in ways that he would only say in a moment of passion, that he would never say otherwise. That he loved, but those moments and words seemed too far in between sometimes. 

Sometimes he wanted to punt a boot at his stubborn, dirty ass, and ask why he can’t be normal. A normal clean boyfriend, who takes him into consideration. 

Then Sam remembers that they’re not boyfriends. They’re brothers with a strong co- dependence, and now they fuck. 

Might as well accept it, it was them for the rest of their lives. This was it. The truth felt painful.

Sam knows he’ll never find someone like Dean. Strong, sturdy consistent, but somehow able to keep him on his toes. As inconsiderate as he could be, he always put Sam first.

  


But when he decided to take leave Sam just couldn't take it anymore. As he looked around their hotel room, from the table, seeing Dean’s growing pile of takeout containers, a smell of old barbecue sauce having taken over the room days ago. The man, himself, sitting on the bed, having just gotten done eating pizza, no care to whether or not sauce or crumbs get on the bed and the pizza box to his left on the nightstand, where it would remain until housekeeping or Sam cleaned it up. 

  


Then Dean started searching the pay-per-view channels. Listening to the previews, it wasn’t hard to tell that he brother was searching porn. That meant Dean would order it, attempt to initiate Sam, thinking the fake moans of girls with breast the size of his head would get him in the mood. 

  
He knew the events that would follow: 

  


1.Dean would try to get him over to the bed. Telling him that he’s “gotta see the tits on her”, no he doesn’t. He’s never successful, but he tries every time.  It’s escaped his notice that Sam’s an ass man, and porn doesn’t do much for him these days.

2\. Then Dean will get off the bed. Hands still greasy from whatever meal he’d just eaten. Go to stand over Sam, and lean down just enough that he’s within reach, but Sam would need to pulled him down to bridge that gap between his lips. He’ll enjoy the kiss, it’ll be the first bit of affection that he’d seen in days, and Dean’s been even more distant than usual.  

  
3.Dean will accuse him of being a “goddamn tease”  after he refuses to move it toward the bed. “Shower First”, he’ll demand. 

4\. With a huff, Dean will call him a bitch before showering quickly.  Sam doesn’t care if the man is dripping wet when they finally get it on, he’s clean, and smells like soap.

5.They’ll have sex, either Dean will sweet talk him, while they make love or it’ll be quick, dirty and over with. With Dean sounding like a 70s bad porno. Sam felt like he didn’t have the right to complain either way. They always fit together as a perfect puzzle piece. His brother wasn't a thoughtless lover.

6\. Then they'll lay post-coital. No need to talk as they kissed lazily.  Once sex was out of the way Sam could revel in being so close. Couldn't bring himself to ask for more. He was confident that he was alone in his feelings. 

7\. Rinse & Repeat

Tonight though he just couldn’t take it. Their life, the cycle and Dean were just too much. He needed to leave before he lost it, and com bust.

  


He got up from the table, threw what clothing of his he could into his duffel bag, grabbed his wallet, and walked out the door. 

  


 Fuck this motel, fuck the Impala, fuck this life, fuck Dean.

  


His brother called his name behind him, confused as Sam ignored him and stood at the bus stop. It had been calling his name since they got here a week ago. 

  


Sam boarded the bus as Dean stood dumbfounded. 

  


He’d be back, he just needed to get away. 

  


As he rode away Dean started calling his phone, stopping after Sam rejected his last three calls. Then he texted.

:r u ok

Sam waited for a few minutes before responding 

  


:I’m fine. Call you in a couple days.

  


: where u goin 

  


: I’ll tell you when I get there.

  


: tel me now

:y u bein a bich

:pls call me

  


Sam turned off his ringer annoyed as his phone kept dinging every time Dean sent another message.

He caught a random greyhound going south. Couldn’t remember the last time he was in Atlanta. 

Loneliness settled in, but kept at bay as Sam explored what the capital city had to offer. 

Deciding to stay at a hostel he met a handful of college students road tripping. Made him miss Stanford.  They believed him when he said he was traveling the country after newly graduating. 

The group welcomed him and during their short time together visited the sites, going to an aquarium, botanical gardens, and going clubbing every night. Drinking with his new friends, loneliness sinking in with every shot of vodka. Vomiting, just to ask for more liquor. 

Sam didn't even want think about what he was doing to his esophagus, as his voice became scratchy.

He missed Dean. He just needed space, he would go back no matter what. His heart slowing tugging him back to Ohio.

  


Five days in he received a call from Bobby. Not paying attention to his caller i.d  he answered “Agent Morrison”, his peers giving his strange looks from around the common room he sat in. The jig was up, about time he started heading home anyway. 

  


“Are you fucking your brother?”

  


How would Bobby know that? “ What”, how could talk himself out of this?

  


“Are..You..Fucking...Dean?”, 

  


“Who told you that?”, was this joke.

  


“Your..Brother just called me bawling because his brother has no interest in fucking him”

  


Did Dean think that was why he left?  It wasn't the sex it was just...everything. Why was he crying about it? Why in the world would Dean tell Bobby? There was more to this story, something had to be wrong with Dean.

  


Going into the bunk room he started packing his duffle bag.

  


Bobby demanded an answer from him. He didn't really have anything left to hide.

  


“Bobby..I..um..we..it’s not like..we meant to at first..it’s just..is he okay? I got to call him. I don't want him doing anything stupid.”

  


Sam hung up as Bobby started screaming at him.  

  


He called Dean. 

  


“Sammy?”. 

  


“I love you”, he'll explain further when he see him, but he had to know this.

  


“You don't have to make me feel better. You're not happy”

  


“I'm happy..with you”  Parts he loved, some parts he could do without.

  


“No you're not Sam. I get it, I know your miserable with me. Should of never did what we did.”

  


Sam wanted argue, but to a point it was true. He was unhappy, but he couldn't regret them, not Dean. As irritated as he could get with him, Dean made it bearable.

  


“I'm coming back to you.  Don't do anything stupid.”

  


Having hopped on a plane he touched down in Ohio hours later, then off the same bus that had taken him away.

  


Opening the door to the motel room, the smell of barbecue sauce was still just as strong. Even more food containers have been added and now covered the table and both nightstands, beer cans and whiskey bottles littered the floor.  Another pizza box sat on top of the old one. 

His brother set up straight reaching for his gun, woken up from a dead sleep.  Only in his underwear.

He looked like shit. Probably hadn't showered since he left. His eyes dark rimmed. Made him look 10 years older. A bruise on his chin, and small scab in the corner of his bottom lip. Sam was impressed to see that he was in a different pair of boxer-briefs than when he left.

“You didn't have to comeback”, Dean said miserably. 

“I always planned to.  I just-”. Sam couldn't accurately explain why he left, now that he was back home.

Even in his condition and appearance he couldn't imagine living without this man.

  


“Sammy you ain't gotta lie to me.”, looking away at the mess that surrounded him.

Shaking his head, Sam started stripping his clothes. He wasn't going to get anywhere with his words.

Going into the bathroom, starting a hot shower, then going back out to where Dean continue to sit up on the bed. 

Like a human doll, Dean allowed himself to be pulled from the bed, standing still as Sam helped him out of his underwear, stepping out of them as Sam took his hand, leading him into the shower. 

Taking his time, his scrubbed Dean top to bottom. Using up what was left of the bar of soap, once they'd all been cleaned. All while Dean stared at him dejectedly.

Tipping his head up, Sam kissed him. Pulling him close just in case he had any doubt of his feeling.

“I love you”, followed by a rough kiss, nipping at the older brother's bottom lip.

“Don't want anyone, but you.”, sucking on his neck, pressing his body as close as possible to him.

  


“I just needed some space, but I love you too much to leave you. I'm sorry, later I want to talk about it, but not right now.”

  


Dean wrapped his arms around his waist, pulling his forward until they were nose to nose, looking into each other's eyes.

  


“If we're ever done, just let me know. Don't just walk out the door without a word. You're an asshole for doing that.”, his eyes full of hurt.

“I know..I know sweetheart. You're right”, Dean would never do that to him. “ but you're it for me, and I want fix this, something isn't right.”

“Maybe because what we're doing is wrong”

“Right and Normal are two different things, you're right for me, but some things need to change. I don't like the feelings I've been having” , they could talk about it later, for now Dean needed reassurance. 

“Told Bobby about us.”, he confessed, “He's pissed.”

“I know”, rubbing the back of Dean's neck. 

“He might not speak to us again.”

“It's okay”

“He could hate us”, it felt like losing a parent. Bobby was the closest thing they had to one, now that they're Dad was gone.

“But I love you so much and I'll be fine with just that”, he meant every word.

Dean and him continued to kiss under the shower until the water ran cold. A part of him wanting to give him shit for the chick flick moment.

After which they dried off and went onto the cleaner of the two beds, then slept. Neither having had a decent night of sleep since they parted, their bodies tight together.

Things were looking up   
  


  
  
  



	3. Believe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam left him. He doesn't handle it well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if it's a little too dramatic.

“That was some good pizza”, Dean said out loud to no one in particular, but knew Sam would be hear it.

Not that Sam would care. He elected to eat a salad and it wasn't even one with a good dressing. Since when was raspberry vinaigrette a thing? It literally just looked like water with red juice.

But that was his Sammy, he thought affectionately.

Dean couldn't complain. His brother was at the peak of physical perfection. Not that he would care otherwise, but he'd have to be blind not to appreciate such a good looking man. He wasn't sure though if he had the salad to thank for that. He was diligent. 

Dean had seen it often enough when he'd wake up in the morning to know that Sam did at least 200 crunches at the tail end of his workout. 

He would be covered in a sheen of sweat, making Dean's mouth water wanting to lap it up. His deep grunting noise he made gave made him the urge to ask if he's up for second breakfast. He resisted. 

He tried to give Sam a space.

His own alone time without him. Didn't want to crowd him. Make him think that Dean have gotten the wrong idea about them, thinking they were couple. That they had what him and Jess had, hold hands, kiss goodbye when the other was going to be more than 20 feet away. The Lovey-Dovey

There were no plans for the future beyond those that they made for days ahead of time. 

People weren't going to look at them and think they made a good couple. They weren't going to talk about what house they would buy. They weren't going to talk about what they would name their kids.

They talked about what the next case would be. Is it a Ghost or Poltergeist.

It was a matter of time before that life called Sam back and he found someone else. Leave knowing that what him and Dean did together was just a symptom of their fucked-up lives.

Didn't want him knowing that his love was beyond that of brothers. That what they did together was not a necessity, at least not for him. 

This way Sam could feel close to somebody. He was happy to just be able to give him that.

But he'll admit that he got a little selfish when it came to sex. Couldn't help himself when certain things revved his motor.

Like when Sam's sitting at the end of the table hunched over a paper or piecing together research notes quicker than he ever could do. At a point of struggling Sam would start chewing and sucking on his bottom lip.

He was tempted to order him to stop, that he was more than happy to do it for him.

Or they could be anywhere and Sam could something simple as stretching or bending over, or be a victim of strong wind that blew up his shirt, just little bit. A peak of skin showing around the man's waist.

Suddenly then he'd feel the intense urge to need to see absolutely everything of the man. See everything under those clothes. What the skin smelled and tasted like. See if anything was different than when he last saw it, he'd want it all the same.  
Every sense wanting to experience him.

And Dean knew he was very good at it. He knew how to make Sam feel good. So goodthat he didn't have to worry about Sam's thoughts being clear enough to comprehend the words that Dean spoke to him, at that blood is allocated away from his brain. When he had sex with Sam rationality got away from him. He wouldn't call Sam “Baby” otherwise..

He didn't have to feel guilty when they lay satiated on the bed, and pulled tight together. Sammy was a cuddler, he always had been. Love it when they were close as could be. When they were that close and their mouths together he could pretend that they were just two lovers, that happened to be named Sam and Dean.

He could do it for a couple nights until Sam decide to sleep in the other bed.

 

Now it has been a couple days since they had sex and Sam was looking real good.

Dean turned the channel deciding to order porn. Sam had to miss women. You couldn't go from fucking your pretty girlfriend to fucking your older brother without having a few hang-ups.

Checking himself over Dean figured he seemed clean enough. Honestly he couldn't remember when the last time he showered, but it was fairly recently. Sometimes it escaped his mind. 

Now that he thought about it, when was the last time he changed clothes. Sam was a bit of a girl enough to make him shower if he wasn't clean enough for him.

Whatever, if he wanted him that clean then so be it. It meant his mouth would wander anywhere when they got into it. 

Dean couldn't help but wonder if Sam had eaten Jess’ ass too? Of course he did. But whose ass taste better? There wasn't enough alcohol in the world to get him drunk enough to ask that question. The curiosity still lingered.

Just as he picked out a porno featuring two blondes with chest the size of bowling balls, Sam abruptly stood up from the table and began throwing clothes into his bag.

He looked angry.

Dean stayed put, waiting for an explanation. He mumbled “Christo”, nothing happening as Sam continue packing. 

Then Sam went out the door. 

Shit what did he do now? Getting off the bed Dean went to stand at the doorway. He watched Sam walked across the parking lot.

“Sam?”, what was going on. He continued on his way as if you didn't hear him call his name. Stopping at a bus sign.

“Sam what did I do?”, panicked.

“Sam!”, he was leaving. 

The bus took him away.

And he was gone. What just happened?

He stood speechless in shock. Regaining movement a few moments later. He ran back into the room, calling Sam on his phone.

It cut out after one ring, then a second time and then the third one. Sam didn't want to speak to him.

He texted him. At least he got a response. Only for Sam not to tell him where he's going or why.

He made a plea to Sam to call him before Dean set his phone down after an hour without an indication of acknowledgement.

Sam left him. Gone, done with him. Done with them.

But now Sam was out there alone. Vulnerable to Yellow Eyes. Not that his younger brother was helpless, but Dean can’t keep him safe from a distance. 

He drove Sam away. Pushed Sam away with his sickness.

He knew it was coming, Sam had been growing unhappier by the day.

It was his fault. He was the monster that started this and Sam was the one to finally finish it.

There was no way to truthfully describe why he'd done it. 

After their father's death Dean's long dormant need came to the surface, fusing with desire. 

It all accumulated to a single chaste kiss. It must have made Sam feel better too. 

As unnatural, wrong and disgusting as it should have been, he'd never been able to remember, nor recreate the relief he'd felt as Sam pinned him to the mattress and rutted against him.

Things escalated from there despite them actually never discussing what they did. Beyond that of Dean explaining the proper way to have anal sex, because “ There is no reason it should hurt”. 

Now Sam had reached his breaking point.

Dean coped the best way he knew how. He went to the liquor store. Bought enough booze to last him at least a week, because he didn't want to leave the motel for a couple days and risking the Impala trying to make an alcohol run hammered.

The empty bottles and cans were dropped on the floor as he finished them. It didn't matter. Sam wasn't coming home to it. Sam hated it when he left trash around. Most days escaped his notice, but now it was just another reason that Sam left him.

A worn shirt of Sam's was slid over the pillow. At least he had the smell of Sam as his snot, tears and drool soaked into it during his drunken sobbing.

No wonder Sam didn't want him.

He searched the room for left behind items, Finding a pair of his boxer briefs, he’d been disappointed when he brought them to his nose only to realize they were clean. He changed into them.

What kind of man falls apart like this. 

He kept drinking. The loneliness still felt when he was drunk. 

Still thought of Sam. His younger brother didn't drink often, but Sam and him were still able to talk joke and mess around, have fun together when It was only him intoxicated.

He didn't feel as bad when having sex drunk. 

Sam held him close as he slurred his words, and let Dean pet his hair. He will feel only a tiny bit of shame the next day, recalling having called Sam his “Baby” as he fell into a drunken sleep.

His brother had the decency not to bring it up the next day. Even if he did blush bright red when he'd originally spoke the words.

Days of being alone and drunk got the best of him. 

In his intoxicated stupidity Dean called Bobby. Not like he had anyone else to speak to, other than a shadow.

As expected he couldn't keep a hold of himself as he explained that Sam left him. How could he? Felt like it was eating away at his soul.

Bobby not taking his sadness seriously, assured him Sam was coming back.

Then he screwed it up, and like a bitch hung up, dropping the phone on the floor.

He told Bobby their dirty secret. 

Sitting on the bed he looked around the mess of the motel room.

The only thing untouched was Sam's bed, just in case he came back. He could lie to himself.

It didn't matter now. Dad was gone, Sam was gone and now he'd alienated Bobby from his life.

Why carry on?, he thought. He didn't care anymore.

If he died no one would notice. Sam wouldn't worry. Bobby wouldn't care. His corpse would be left to rot until a maid showed up.

The newspaper would print a bizarre story of a fugitive found on a trash heap in a motel room. His life wou-.

Dean's train of self pity was broken as his phone began ringing.

Looking down his heart jumped seeing Sam's number on the caller ID.

Then the sinking realization that he must have called to let him know they were done, officially. Washing his hands.

Not caring what was to come he got up quickly to grab it, stepping on a bottle that rolled under his feet, causing him to fall face first onto the carpet. 

Unperturbed he quickly crawl to the phone.

 

“Sammy?”.

“I love you”, he declared. 

“You don't have to make me feel better. You're not happy”, he didn't need to lie for his benefit.

“I'm happy..with you”.

Sam was such a good little brother, to a piece of shit older one.

“No you're not Sam. I get it, I know your miserable with me. Should of never did what we did.” 

Correction he should never did what he did.

“I'm coming back to you. Don't do anything stupid.”

As terrible as he felt Dean could feel a spark.

Fine, he wouldn't do anything stupid. Still fairly inebriated Dean decided to sleep it off. He was out seconds after his head hit the pillow. 

 

Dean shut up hearing the door closed as he reached for his gun. It was Sam.

This was it. He was going to let him down gently. Maybe the alcohol in his system would soften the blow.

You didn't have to comeback”, Dean said miserably.

I always planned to. I just-”, at a loss for words.

“Sammy you ain't gotta lie to me.”, looking away at the mess that surrounded him. 

He can only imagine what Sam thought of him now. Surrounded by garbage. Filthy and pathetic.

Then Sam started stripping. He didn't know what this was.

Courtesy break up sex.

Whatever Sam was planning, he was going to let him take the lead. If they had sex, at least he could know that Sam fully wanted their last time.

Then he started a shower. Dean stood still apathetically, as Sam helped him out of the only article of clothing he wore.

Then into the shower where he scrubbed him down. Of course wanted to clean him, disaster he was. 

He must not have trusted him to be able to do it, they've never showered together before.

 

Tipping his head up, Sam kissed him. Pulling him close.

Dean could have cried it felt so good. Not sure why Sam was doing this if he planned on taking off.

“I love you”, followed by a rough kiss, nipping at the older brother's bottom lip.

Wait, Sam actually wanted him. Like wanted wanted him? He was enough?

“Don't want anyone, but you.”, sucking on his neck, it felt amazing. Each sentence ending with another kiss.

Sam wanted him? Like he wanted Sam.

“I just needed some space, but I love you too much to leave you. I'm sorry, later I want to talk about it, but not now"

Dean didn't believe it. Fine, if Sam wanted to continue this, so be it. His mind and body needed anything he'd offer at this point.

Dean pulled him closer, noses touching. Doing so for the first time where he wasn't drunk or headed towards sex. Blatantly looking him in the eyes for the first time. 

If he had done so over a year ago, he would of never doubted Sam wanted this just as much as he did.

But he had something he still needed to say.

“If we're ever done, just let me know. Don't just walk out the door without a word. You're an asshole for doing that.”

“I know..I know sweetheart. You're right. “ but you're it for me, and I want fix this, something isn't right.”

Dean could get used to "Sweetheart".

“Maybe because what we're doing is wrong”, Sam couldn't be blind to that.

“Right and Normal are two different things, you're right for me, but some things need to change. I don't like the feelings I've been having”.

Dean would do everything possible to help him .

“Told Bobby about us.”, he confessed, “He's pissed.”, breaking his mistake.

“I know”, rubbing the back of Dean's neck. Not sure how he didn't put two and two together when Sam called shortly after he hung up on Bobby.

“He might not speak to us again.”

“It's okay”. This dick was a saint. 

“He could hate us”.

“But I love you so much, I'll be fine with that". 

In time Dean could believe it too.


	4. Accept

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wrapping up this story.

Wanna to make out?”, eyes drifted away from the giant screen.

Sam quirked a brow at his lover in question. “Here?”, looking around the lot.

“Fuck yeah here”, Dean responded, with a lecherous smile, waiting for an answer.

Amused, Sam rolled his eyes. As if he’d ever turn down an opportunity to kiss, touch or hold Dean.

It figures Dean was feeling extra excitable. His brother loved drive in movies. Digging the whole 1960s vibe, plus he could yell as much as he wanted as the movie played, without Sam having to worry about a fight breaking out between him and the other patrons, and of course he’d also want to be one of teens getting lucky in the car as the movie played.

“Okay”, Sam agreed, charmed, then concerned. “How are we going to do this?”, the younger Winchester asked. eyes looking to Dean's legs.

“Whatta mean?”, feigned confusion.

“Your leg?”

“Oh Jeez Sam”, as if the solution were obvious. “ If you're that worried lay down on the seat, and I'll settle right in there.”

“I don't wanna hurt you”, but allowing Dean to maneuver him onto his back. One leg hooking over the back of the seat, while putting the other foot to the floor. Dean nestling himself into the ‘V’ of his brother's open legs.

Sam didn't want to be responsible for Dean getting harmed..again.

 

They'd just arrived in Pennsylvania the other day after having handled a case in New York City. An occurrence of suspicious animal attacks in the area.

A week of frustration and snapping at each other, followed by half-hearted apologies. Instances of an irritated Sam aggressively kissing Dean's lips before he set out to do separate research.

They'd discovered a growing pack of werewolves, and purposefully letting loose into neighborhoods of rival gangs, and werewolves ,being werewolves, attacked without discrimination.

The story of repeated animal attacks making national news and the subject of endless debates on restriction of dog breeds and protest.

As usual with people; things got messy. Mixed in with the werewolves, they had non-monster people too aiding them, humans.

Sam had wanted to kill the werewolves as they turned, Dean disagreed, wanting to take out the whole group. Wolf and non wolf alike before hand.

Sam insisted they keep it on the monsters. Dean stubbornly maintained his, kill it at the source.

“Sam, if we don't gank 'em now what's the point of doing any of this”, frustrated

“We hunt monsters not people. We take out the werewolves, not people.”

“They're helping the monsters”, feeling like he was talking to a brick wall. His brother was a pain in the ass. “Making the Monsters!”

“If we take the wolves out now they can't do it.”, the younger brother explaining.

“Who the hell says they can't do it again?”, Dean trying to be realistic.”

As it got closer to the full moon, and they'd loaded their silver bullets Dean relented.

While he stopped trying to assume Sam's intentions, he'd realized that his brother still felt guilty having to kill Madison. He didn't want to be responsible for furthering Sam's pain. If they needed to come back here again, then so be it.

A whisper in the back of his mind taunted that Sam might leave for good if he wasn't careful.

 

They did their job, working against the full moon. No humans hurt, per Sam's wishes.

Then at 2am, having freshly killed a werewolf, they were heading to the impala before a gun went off.

“Aaahhh, fuck!”, before hearing a car drive off as Dean dropped to the ground. A red spot growing quickly on his jeans.

Sam at his side instantly, making a tourniquet around his leg, before carrying him to the car, ignoring Dean's protest that he could still walk.

Dean in the backseat, leg propped up, yelling at Sam’s reckless driving.

While he would joke about it later on, Dean didn't think he'd ever live down being carried into the emergency room in his brother's arms as Sam yelled “My boyfriends been shot!”.

Their visit to the ER embarrassingly short. Walking out together hours later.

His deep wound on the left leg, inches above his knees from a grazed bullet patched up, and a few days worth of oxycodone in his pocket.  
Sam forbid his brother to drive for the time being. “I’m not paralyzed”.

“It’s only until the swelling is down”, apathetic and calm. Full 180 from earlier. “ Plus you’re high”

“You’re high.”, crossing his arms.

Then kept Dean from leaving the car while he quickly packet up their belongings.

They went an hour out,and checking into another a motel. Still wobbly , Dean was carried into the room by Sam.

Then stripped and tucked into the bed after being helped to the bathroom. He swore he’d kicking his little brother’s ass if he ever gave him shit for it.

“I’ll be back in a little bit”, Sam told him while securing the room as Dean slowly nodded off.

“Okay Baayby... ldo love you .”, grumbling lightly before soft snores were heard.

“Love you too, Sweetheart”, Sam kissing his forehead before heading out, “I'm going to fix this”.

 

Hours later he woke up, reaching for his gun until he realized who it was.

“Hey Hun”, Sam said softly. Looking at Dean with a small smile.

The guy looked like shit. Darkening under his eyes with premature crows feet. Clearly having not slept, but happy to see him all the same.

“Hmm”, Laying his head back down, but spotting two coffees in a holder, and a bag that suspiciously looked like it contained food, dangling off his wrist. “Whatcha got for me?”

“Coffee and cheeseburger with extra onions.”, joining him on the bed, sitting up against the headboard.

“Baby’s so good to me”, Dean muttered as he sat himself up stiffly, before taking a coffee from Sam. The caffeine making him tip his head back, sighing with relief.

“How are you feeling”, Sam asked, putting an arm around Dean’s shoulder, pulling his close and planting a kiss on his forehead. Hand stroking the hair on the back of his head.

“Sore”, answering “Where you been?”, reaching for the bag of food. Pulling his burger out of the paperbag

“Just wrapping a few things up in New York.”..

Dean paused, lower the sandwich away from his mouth. “You went back?’, clearly asking Sam if he was an idiot. “What the fuck did you do that for? We’d already taken care of the wolves. Those people know what we look like.” Did Sam not realize that if he died Dean would follow behind?

“It doesn’t matter”, his voice assured, as he tried to sooth his lover. “They’re gone.”

“Gone?”

“Gone. Can’t hurt anyone again”, emphasizing. “You were right Dean”.

The realization hit him. “You weren’t seen?”, one of the last things they needed was another warrant for their arrest.

“No. I promise.”, squeezing Dean’s non injured thigh before heading to the bathroom for a shower. “I love you”, said behind him.

 

All that was just a week ago. On Sam request, they took a break. Stopping over in small town for a mini vacation.

Which for them just really meant spending, way more than what was needed, for a honeymoon suite. A Jacuzzi, mini bar and mirrors on the ceiling included. Both happy to take advantage of the afforded amenities.

Concerned lover that he was, Sam limited their sex positions, to only things that didn’t involve explicit need for Dean to move his leg. Not that he could argue against Sam riding him, as the mirror gave him perfect ability to enjoy the show.

“You can’t hurt me”, the elder of them responding as he started giving attention to Sam’s lips.

The thrill of necking in a public space humming in his body.

“Open up for me baby.”, sliding hand under his brother's shirt, feeling him up. “ Let me have it”. Mouth lowering to suck on his neck. He looked forward to leaving some “good ol’ fashion hickies”.

“Take it... It's..yourss”, becoming breathless quickly.  
Tingles shot up and down his spine, as a calloused thumb stroked a nipple, Dean latched onto his neck, sucking, licking and biting. Moving to another spot once the skin started to bruise. He was going to be wearing collared shirts for at least a week.

Not to mention the sensation originating from between his legs as they grinded their pelvis’. It left Sam grasping Dean's waist then into the back of the man's pants. Strong fingers gripping his ass.

Sometimes he couldn't believe how far they’d come in the last few weeks.

Felt like the world had opened up for them. Knowing now that they wanted each other just as much and in the same way. How badly each others absence hurt.  
Now they could do so without the limits and barriers they'd made. Not afraid to ask for more.

“I love you.”, Sam gasped, looking down as his neck was given attention.

Dean halted his mission of making Sam’s neck look like leopard’s, to look him in the eye, face serious.

“I know”, his face breaking into smirk a moment later as his brother rolled his eyes.

Sam couldn't help, but scoff and smile. “Ridiculous”.

“You know, sometimes I amaze even myself.”, grinning as he kissed Sam. Working his tongue into his mouth as deep as it would go.

Sam's eyes glazed over, bring his hands to cup Dean's face as they broke apart.

Their eyes just inches from each other. “So perfect”. Overcome with emotion. Couldn't help it.  
Dean didn't care for “ Chick Flick moments”, but given their situation made the exceptions of “Gay is Okay.”, and “Incest ain’t best, but we make it look good.”, and Sam been so close to losing it all, been close more times than he could count, but he was still here.

Despite himself tears rolled down his face. Preparing to be playfully teased, surprised as Dean's raspingly said “Baby don"t cry”, putting their foreheads together, his eyes closed, his tears shed freely. Then moving into a more comfortable position, resting his head on Sam's shoulder.

An hour later they stiffly sat back up, catching the last 20 minutes of the movie, then driving back to the hotel, Stopping at a grocery on the way to grab all the ingredients for Meatloaf, mac & cheese and, to Dean's dismay, green beans.

“That's a lot of onions”, Sam couldn't help but remarked as Dean chopped a second one.

“Hush”, Dean responded, “It's gonna be amazing, and it counts as a vegetable”, adding it to the bowl containing the ground beef, eggs and bread crumbs.

“It wouldn't kill you to each the green beans. They're going to be good. I'm sauteing them with garlic.”, charmed by the man.

As a relief from their constant greasy spoon meals, they, or Sam decided to start doing “Home” cooked meals, when possible. Most times they only had a microwave.

“ Mind telling me what the fuck sauteing is?” briefly looking away from his culinary masterpiece.

“ It's like cooking with a fry pan”, snorting as Dean blanched dramatically.

“ So a fancy way of saying frying in pan. If you insist on being fancy tonight I'm expecting that fancy underwear on your ass”, single eyebrow raised as he pointed to their duffel bags.

“Fancy Underwear?”, as if he didn't know what he was referring to, smiling bashfully.

“ You know what I'm talkin' about you little hussy”, playfully. “ those little see-through white things you put on and decide you're going to do your stretches”

Sam's face reddened as he looked away returning to prepping the vegetables. “ Shut up and get back to the meatloaf”, lips pressed firmly together as he fought back laughter.

“ Ain't the only meat I'm handling to-’.

He was cut off Sam’s phone began ringing.

Sam pulled it from his pocket, flipping it open.

“Hello”

“Sam?”, he recognized that voice.

“Bobby?”, Dean looked at him wide eyed. Sam turning the phone on speaker so Dean could hear. His brother washing his hands before coming to stand at Sam side, sharing a worried look.

“I'm sorry about how I reacted. I just wanted you boys to know that I love you no matter what.”

“Bobby I-”

“Sam let me finish my piece”, he said. “ I don't understand this and while I ain't okay with it, you can come down whatever you want, but were not talking about it. I don't want to see it. Ya hear me.?”

“Yes”, Sam responded, Dean's eyes watering the same as his”.

“You wanna come up here sometime?”  
Sam couldn't answer, taken back at the man's , reluctant, acceptance of them.

“Sure Bobby”, Dean answered for him. Taking his hand, thumb stroking the palm. Staring at each other as the call ended.

“Well back to dinner”, Dean said turning back to his previous task, having cut the tension.

“Yeah”, Sam agreed, rubbing his eyes.

"It's all good Baby".

 

A little over a week later they arrived to Bobby's. Happy to get as far away from New York as possible.

All news channels and the radios on the East coast debating on gun control and gang prevalence. None of them able to get passed what was being dubbed as the "Deadliest Night in Brooklyn", that resulted in the death of 15 gang members, a teacher, two prominent businessmen and four police officers.

“ What do we do if he..?”, Sam asked nervously as they pulled into Bobby's dooryard.

Taking a deep breath, “ Then we're going to leave.”

“Dean we do-”.

“No”, Dean said firmly. “ I don't need that and you don't need that. We'll just cross that bridge when we get there.”, squeezing Sam's hand before they stepped out. "It's up to him" ,hoping it wouldn't be the case. He didn't want his little brother to raise his hopes too high, but he also wasn't going to take verbal abuse.

They both gave Bobby big hugs. No mention whatsoever given now that they were in person. Wouldn't matter anyway, they knew exactly what Bobby thought about them, but the man didn't come out of the house with a shot gun, they'll take it.

"So great to see you boys", Bobby told them, with no hesitation.

"Same here Bobby. Sam and me we missed you".

Despite Sam's insistence that they have sleep separately Dean still pressed their beds together.

“ Dean we don't have to do that. This is his house.”, feeling as if they were pressing their luck as it was.

“ We're keeping the door closed anyway. He'll gonna be fine. Besides he got those things.”

“Those things?”,

“Slide things”, pointing to small felt disk that had been placed under the legs of the head and footboard. Pushing the left bed into the right one. “ These are new. He's practically telling us we can”.

Sam didn't stop him

They tried their best. But they did have slip-ups. The anxiety of their situation had him resting his hand on Dean's knee during dinner.

His older brother making sure to meet his eyes for a split second, wanting to reassure him, whiling they were shooting the shit with Bobby.

He wasn't able to stop Dean the next morning from joining him in the shower.. They'd taken to showering together in the recent month. Slipping into a happy habit.

“ Dean what are you doing?”, panicked as if Bobby was going to bust down the bathroom door any moment, and haul their naked asses outside.

“Sammy it's okay”, taking it upon himself to shampoo his younger brother's hair. “Bobby's outside replacing his brake pads. Baby we're good.”

Beforehand they both agreed that they wouldn't be messing around at risk of being heard, but they couldn't help themselves, or Sam couldn't.

While the older Winchester could hold his liquor Sammy was pleasantly tipsy after three beers, and Dean couldn't deny his brother anything.  
So when they headed to bed, against his better judgment, strip down, straddling his brother. “ I want you”, he said softly. Leaning down for a kiss.  
“I thought we weren't going to”, sticking his tongue out as Sam took it into his mouth, rubbing muscles thighs.  
“ So you don't want to have sex?”, pulling back.  
“Oh I do, but I don't want to push it. “, Sam could only be comfortable doing so much here.  
“ I know where you can push it”,  
“If you say so”, before flipping Sam onto his back.  
“Yes, please”, sliding Dean's underwear down. Baring his neck, whispering into his ear “ Be quiet though. Can't have Bobby knowing how good you fuck me.”, the request had Dean reaching for the KY.

The following morning Sam had been the most relaxed since their arrival. Openly embracing and kissing him, without it occurring to him that Bobby might see them.

All and all they truly enjoyed their time there.

They were almost sad to leave. Their minds lingering on Bobby's parting words. “ Take of each other”.The boys thankful that they still had some family left.

 

As hard as they tried to keep it together sometimes they still managed fall apart.

Dean called Bobby an hour after Sam walked out the door, to his brother's terror. He'd just barely saved him from Azazel abduction, and now vulnerable once again.

He'd admit his was hovering, but no one could blame him.

Bobby talked him down before disconnecting to call Sam. No outrage due to their relationship this time.

His brother returning shortly after, apology on his tongue after Bobby ripped him a new one.

“Love You”, Sam reminded him as they lay post-coital, spooning Dean while they came down from their afterglow. “It doesn't change the fact that I'm an asshole, but I mean it. I love you with everything I got.

“It's enough for me” Dean drifted off to sleep.

 

 

 

 

 

 

.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts?


End file.
